


Into You

by blasphemous



Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: A teeny bit of angst, Alec Lightwood Deserves Nice Things, Comfort, Friends to Lovers, Kissing, Love Confessions, M/M, Magnus Bane Deserves Nice Things, Moderate burn, Opposites Attract, Roommates, they're in love but don't know yet
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-11
Updated: 2019-02-21
Packaged: 2019-06-26 00:10:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 14,096
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15651762
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/blasphemous/pseuds/blasphemous
Summary: “What?”“You would've heard me if you weren't checking me out” Magnus teased, then lifted his hands in surrender, “no complaints, dear, it's quite understandable.”Alec rolled his eyes. “I appreciate abs, that's all.”Roommates/Friends to lovers AU





	1. I

**Author's Note:**

> I'm a sucker for enemies to lovers but I don't know what happened and this is the result. Find me on [Twitter](https://mobile.twitter.com/cardanscrown) Enjoy!
> 
> **_____**

“I mean, come on, Alexander” Magnus' voice boomed from the living room. Alec rolled his eyes, pouring himself a glass of juice as he yapped his mouth in an annoyed imitation of Magnus' next and quite repetitive words, “you're twenty two years old, love can wait.”

Alec slammed the carton of apple juice on the worktop, causing some of it to splatter over his hand and on the veined marble of the counter before he brought the half-filled glass of juice to his lips and gulped it all down in one go. He put the glass back down and trod his way lazily to the door of the kitchen, leaning against its jamb with a quirked brow and a weary look on his face. 

Magnus' hand that held the pizza stilled halfway to his mouth and he looked at Alec with an exaggerated “stop looking at me like that” face, but when Alec showed no indication of wiping the done look off his features, Magnus let go of the slice of pizza with a sigh. “I'm just saying,” he lifted his hands in surrender, “love is for old people, you haven't even graduated from uni yet, take it slow.” 

Alec scowled, crossing his arms over his chest. “Love isn't for _old people_ ” he scoffed, then lifted a finger drily, “my parents were high school sweethearts.”

Magnus looked at Alec for a few seconds, then, “your parents are divorced.”

Parting his lips for a few seconds, Alec contemplated his next witty comeback, only to press his lips together seconds later. “Well, they _are_ straight” he flailed his arms theatrically before turning around and treading his way back into the kitchen to fix himself a sandwich. 

Magnus' loud laugh resonated throughout their flat and Alec shook his head with a smirk, throwing the fridge door open. 

“Good point, but listen, darling,” Magnus began, voice muffled by the pizza that finally made it to his mouth, “I'm not kink shaming you for wanting—”

“Oh my _goodness gracious me!_ ” Alec groaned, “love isn't a kink, piss off!” 

Another laugh came from Alec's roommate, then the TV volume lowered and Magnus was serious once again. “No, really” he said, “if you want me to set you up with one of my friends—”

“We tried that” Alec cut in, “your friends are too.. Loud for my taste.”

“Well excuse them for living in the twenty first century” Magnus mumbled, but Alec preened on his hearing skills and picked up on what Magnus was saying. Magnus, however, went louder for Alec to hear “I'll make sure to gather some satanists to perform a ritual and bring Shakespeare back to life so you guys can kiss by the candlelight and whisper poetry against each other's lips!”

“Magnus!” Alec really _really_ meant to sound annoyed, but he ended up laughing, shoulders shaking as he tried to slice the onions without hurting himself. 

The TV volume went up and Alec knew their conversation was over. He knew he was being a little annoying but it really wasn't his fault that all those rom-coms he watched have raised his standards so much that they almost became unreachable. And no one can really blame him for wanting something _real_ and surreal all at once. He studied literature for crying out loud, he expected no less than a guy who's _at least_ read one of the cliché romance novels like _The Notebook_ or _Pride and Prejudice._ Christ, at this point, he'd accept someone who's watched film adaptions of some good ole romantic pieces of literature. 

He decided to drop the subject for now and instead focussed on the sandwich in process. 

He chopped his dinner into two identical triangles and went to join Magnus in the living room where he plopped down beside him and reached for the remote. 

The moment Magnus sensed the movement, he benignly slapped Alec's hand and snatched the remote. “I'm watching!”

“Desperate Housewives? Really, Magnus?” Alec groaned, throwing his head back and bumping it against the backrest of the couch thrice in a row. 

“Hey! Eva Longoria plays one of my favourite characters” Magnus scolded, “stop show shaming me.”

Alec rolled his eyes and lifted his head to begin munching into his sandwich, eyes on the TV. He asked Magnus about the storylines and soon became engrossed in the show, eyes not leaving the TV as he ate. 

Magnus took advantage of Alec's distraction and nicked half of his sandwich. He wasn't hungry but something about Alec's sandwiches made him feel fuzzy inside, like a family dinner on Christmas Eve. Not that Magnus celebrated Christmas but the point's what matters.

“Okay, it's finished, change the channel” Alec ordered the second the credits began rolling. 

Magnus rolled his eyes, but did as told.

❦❦❦

“Yo, hey, get up” Alec poked Magnus' side, “Magnus, you'll wake up with a body ache. Get up!”

Magnus stirred in his sleep, throwing his legs on Alec's lap and making him groan at the bone-crushing impact.

“You little minx” Alec mumbled, then reached for a tissue and began to point it, twisting it between his fingers until it was nice and sharp. A smug smirk tugged at his lips as he scooted closer to Magnus and brought the tip of the pointed tissue to his nose. He stopped to breathe a laugh, shoulders shaking, then he tickled Magnus' nostril with the tissue.

Magnus jerked away, slapping Alec's hand off angrily. “You fuck” he snapped, no heat behind his words as he slid his legs off Alec's lap and stood up, storming off with muttered insults. 

Alec laughed, head thrown back and eyes squeezed shut. “Come back!” He yelled exaggeratedly, his laugh only getting louder when Magnus slammed the door harshly.

Alec sank back against the couch with an accomplished smile, eyes drifting around him until he caught sight of _Wuthering Heights_ placed on the coffee table. He reached over and took it in hand before flopping back.

❦❦❦

“Dude” Jace slid onto the bench opposite of Alec's, then gave everyone around the table a quick ‘sup’ nod before looking back at his friend. “You gonna drop by the Hunter's Moon to watch the game tonight?”

“No,” Alec answered instantly, then cleared his throat and shrugged, “I promised Magnus I'd help him with his project.”

Jace quirked a brow, giving his friend an “are you serious?” face that made Alec groan and run his hand down his features tiredly.

“Honestly, what's so wrong about wanting to help a friend out?” He pressed the home button of his phone to check the time then cursed under his breath and stood up. He grabbed his bag and slung it over his shoulder.

Bidding his farewell, he waved a hand and rushed off, only to come back a second later and grab his phone from the table before hurrying off again.

Maia, Izzy and Jace all looked after him with pursed lips. “So” Izzy said, “who's gonna tell him?”

❦❦❦

Alec watched Magnus draw, his tongue trapped between his teeth as he centred his full concentration on the task at hand. 

Then Magnus groaned, slumped back in his seat and scrunched the paper up, aiming it at the dustbin only to have it tumble on the floor beside the rest of the papers he'd put to waste in the past two or three hours.

The disheartened look on his face didn't go unnoticed by Alec, who stood up and walked towards his friend, leaning down from behind him to take a look at the..well, the empty paper in front of him. “What's the idea of the project?” He asked. Magnus would've jumped at the closeness if he had the effort but he only mumbled a small “earthly, apparently. Why did I ever decide to study fine art? God, Alexander, I don't even see the point in mixing fashion with elements, next thing they're gonna make me conjure up is airy dresses. Might as well make the air blow the dress off I'm so—”

Alec chuckled, shaking his head fondly. That only earned him a glare. 

“Okay, alright” Alec cleared his throat and stood straight to grab a chair and drag it beside Magnus. He sat down, moving the seat closer and hummed. “How about a floral look? They're earthly.”

“And unoriginal” Magnus provided with a roll of his eyes, “I want something _unique._ ”

Alec tapped the end of the pencil against the blank paper, lips puckered thoughtfully as his friend sulked beside him. “Earthly, earthly, earthly” Alec was murmuring with each tap, then his eyes lit up, “ah! How about— green with, ah yes! How about— yes, yes, I love this, wait let me—” the look of amusement on Magnus' face cut Alec off, allowing him to take a deep, collecting breath. “How about a forest green dress. You know, Earth, green—” Magnus opened his mouth to protest but Alec smashed his finger against his lips, shushing him. “I know it's cliché and repetitive but let me finish.”

Magnus smacked Alec's hand off and nodded. “Go ahead.”

“So, off-shoulder, flowy, green, but held up by a vine-like necklace joined at the centre of the collar or—” silence by the look on Magnus' face, Alec shrugged “or not. I mean— fashion really isn't my claim to fame so I understand if—”

“No” Magnus interrupted, “no, thank you. I like that idea” his voice was unnaturally soft, it made Alec give a tight-lipped smile, scratching the back of his neck in a farouche manner that had Magnus' own grin widening across his face. He lifted a hand and tapped the tip of his index finger twice against Alec's temple, “I knew those countable brain cells had a purpose.”

Alec swatted his hand away. “And here I thought we were sharing a true bromantic moment” he stood up and stormed off to sit back on the couch. Magnus just laughed to himself, profound determination to get this project over with sparking inside him. 

“Alexander?”

Alec looked up from his book, not a trace of his prior lighthearted and extremely fake anger left. “Hm?”

“Thank you” Magnus said, genuinely this time. 

Alec only gave a feral grin in response. “Thank my sixish brain cells” he retorted. Magnus burst out laughing and grabbed the pencil from where Alec left it to spill Alec's distinctive idea merged with his idiosyncratic art skills onto the paper before him.

❦❦❦

“Sorry to interrupt” Alec threw Magnus' bedroom door open. Magnus and his one night stand, sorry, one night _stands,_ jumped apart, both girls grabbing the sheets and lifting them for some decency. 

Alec covered his eyes with both hands for a good twenty seconds before peeking through his fingers at his roommate. “Can I talk to you?” He lowered his hands to point an acidic glare at him, leaving the room before Magnus had the chance to decline in favour of his women. 

Magnus pressed a kiss to each of the girls' cheeks, whispering an “I'll be back” before leaving bed to talk to Alec. He closed the door on his way out, leaving the two to their awkward silence. “Hey.”

“Hi” Alec answered, quiet, “listen, I have nothing against your promiscuous encounters, I promise, but I really have a test tomorrow, so please, please keep it down.”

Alec felt his eyes wander Magnus' naked chest, a frown of approval tilting his mouth as his brows rose. Magnus arched a brow that had Alec clearing his throat and looking back up.

“What?”

“You would've heard me if you weren't checking me out” Magnus teased, then lifted his hands in surrender, “no complaints, dear, it's quite understandable.”

Alec rolled his eyes. “I appreciate abs, that's all.”

Magnus snickered, lifting a hand to pat on Alec's neck twice. “I'll keep it down” he promised, “but I don't know about the ladies, I'm told I can turn the quietest to–”

“I don't need to know” Alec interrupted, pressing his palms to his ears with his eyes squeezed shut. Magnus laughed again and shook his head fondly before turning around to attend to the ladies. 

And if Alec appreciated his butt too, no one had to know.

❦❦❦

“Who's the best roommate in the world?” Magnus intoned as he shut the door. He spun on his heel, holding his hands out and Alec cocked a brow at him. 

“Uh, I am?”

Magnus rolled his eyes and strolled towards him. “I concur” he grinned, “who's the second best roommate in the world?”

“You are” Alec murmured under his breath, “what is it?” 

Magnus flopped down on the couch next to him with a lazy smile. “I got you a date” Alec opened his mouth to begin scolding, but Magnus went on, “hear me out. He works at the library around the corner. Waxing poetic is probably his form of dirty talk!” Magnus seemed proud of himself and if Alec were to say no to him now, Magnus would start boasting about his irreplaceable choice in men until Alec gave in with a “just shut up. Fine! I'll do it.”

Alec knew better than to decline, so he gave an excessively theatrical sigh and drawled a word of surrender. 

“How did your test go?” 

Alec hummed, shrugging a shoulder. “Dunno. Well, I guess. Did you turn in your project?” His eyes didn't leave his novel as he spoke. 

Magnus gave a halfhearted hum. “Not yet, still figuring things out” his reply was terse and that only meant that he had something on his mind. So Alec, being the good roommate he is, upended his book on the sofa beside him and sat up to observe his friend long and hard. 

“Spill.”

“What?” Magnus thrummed.

“You have something on your mind” Alec gestured in Magnus' direction. It made Magnus' lip twitch despite himself. 

“I don't!” he stubbornly exclaimed. Alec wasn't dumb, though. He blinked blankly, cocking his head with pursed lips and an incredulous arch of his scarred brow. 

“I can read you like an open book and I know that cheeky smile of yours” Alec hadn't meant to blurt that out, but when he saw Magnus' brief eye roll, fond more than annoyed, and the way he puckered his lips pensively, he was glad he had.

So Magnus caved in with a dramatic exhale and flopped down next to Alec before droning on about, well, everything. He eventually ended his prattling with “and to top it all off, I want a cat.”

“You know I'm allergic to cats” Alec commented drily. It made Magnus scoff with a complaint about how that's all Alec heard from everything that's been said.

Alec just smirked tiredly.

“We can get a sphinx” Magnus' voice was small and calm. It gave Alec a sense ease. “They don't have fur.”

“Okay” Alec agreed, “can we call him Oedipus?”

“Alexander?”

“Yeah?” 

“Fuck off.”

Alec managed to let out was a huffed snort, too tired to think up a witty comeback.

❦❦❦

“Don't you guys think he should be home by now?” Magnus was pacing, lifting his arm to glance at his watch every couple of moments. 

“Sorry, who assigned you to be his bodyguard, again?” Ragnor replied, sounding completely serious to the point where Magnus was questioning whether he was using satire or was genuinely asking out of curiosity. 

“What if he was kidnapped? Or worse..” Catarina was the one to speak up this time, her voice saturated with ridicule, “murdered” she emphasised on the word with wide eyes that made even Raphael's lips twitch. “You should call nine one one, Magnus” she said seriously. 

“Good idea” Magnus was about to reach for his phone when Cat smacked his hand, scoffing a _don't be ridiculous._ “He'll be back, now if you excuse me, I have a date of my own to attend to.”

She kissed the air beside Magnus' cheek before bidding her farewell and leaving Raphael and Ragnor to watch their friend mope around with muttered complaints and excessive curse words.

“Oh, for the love of all that is sacred” Ragnor cried out, putting his teacup down to flail his arms, “tell him or I swear to god—” he didn't go on, eyes boring into the book Raphael was hiding behind, fairly uninterested.

“I don't know what you're talking about” was Raphael's response, murmured and so so _vexing._

“Tell me what?” Magnus provided, finally, _finally_ sitting down, legs crossed and posture awfully calm for someone who's been measuring the capacity of the flat with worried strides for the past hour. 

Ragnor's gaze lingered on Raphael contemptibly before he turned to Magnus. “My dear friend” he sighed out. He didn't know how to put it. In all honesty, he was confused as to why Magnus hadn't noticed it earlier. Magnus had always been the inscrutable one between the four of them, enigmatic in ways even his closest friends couldn't figure out. 

But his feelings for Alec were _right there,_ laid bare for all to see, raw and unadulterated, yet he _still_ refused to act on them, brushing them away as if they were nothing. 

Ragnor opened his mouth to try reasoning with Magnus but the front door opened and Magnus rose to his feet with poise that managed to mask the worry Magnus had been battling moments before. “Alexander!”

Alec shut the door quietly and turned around to greet the trio with a small _hi._

“Hello, Lightwood” Raphael still wouldn't look up from his book. 

Ragnor stood up as well, mildly disappointed that he didn't manage to allude to the nature of Magnus' relationship with Alec. “I believe this is our cue to leave” he said politely, grasping his jacket that was hanging over the backrest of the couch and slinging it over his arm. 

Raphael seemed comfy, not wanting to leave, but when Ragnor said “if you're not accompanying me, enjoy finding a taxi at this time”, he had no choice but to grunt and say his goodbyes to Magnus and Alec, but not before initiating eye contact with the Lightwood and seriously saying “you owe us.” Alec was confused.

“So” he said once the living room was empty. 

“So” Magnus echoed, “how did it go?”

Alec parted his lips, thoroughly considering his answer, then, with a smile, he nodded. “Very well, actually.”

Magnus felt a sudden twist in his gut and frowned at the feeling. “Yeah?” The waver in his voice was new. Only to one of them.

Alec wanted to question it, but he only ended up giving a single nod. “Yeah” he exhaled. “He was fun. Very intelligent, a little chattery but nothing I can't handle.”

Magnus was happy for Alec. He truly was, but he didn't understand why it didn't seem right. He's set Alec up for many dates, but none made him feel like this. He concluded that it was because Alec didn't say much about his date after that.

❦❦❦

Alec was pissed. 

He was beyond pissed, actually. 

So when Magnus stumbled through the door with a man all over him, their lips barely separating as they fumbled to shut the door, it was only natural for Alec to see red. He stopped pacing to barge straight to Magnus' room, blocking their entrance with narrowed eyes and a strong stance that had both men pulling apart in confusion.

“Alexander!” Was Magnus' first word, his smile fading the longer he looked at his roommate. Then, “what is it?”

“The dishes,” Alec responded, “you haven't been doing them in days.”

The statement equally surprised and amused Magnus. But upon seeing the way Alec's hazel eyes didn't soften or show a trace of hilarity, Magnus realised that Alec was out of humour. 

He cleared his throat and stepped away from the man he had brought home. In a way that clearly said “this isn't going the way we planned.”

So, the other man collected himself and wrapped himself up in the tatters of his dignity before leaving, not even saying a word. The second the door clicked shut, Magnus looked at Alec, none of them saying a word for long minutes before Alec's charade finally broke and his eyes watered. 

And just like that, all of Magnus' prior annoyance disappeared. He stepped closer, but not too close to invade Alec's personal bubble. “Alexander—”

Alec shook his head, jaw flexing under the warm light of the room. “Just— just do the dishes” he rasped, holding a hand up to stop Magnus.

Magnus wasn't anywhere close to making Alec uncomfortable with his proximity but the way he was _looking at him_ was overwhelming. So, so staggering that Alec had to momentarily look away. 

Magnus took a step back, straightening his back and holding his head high. “Of course” his voice barely passed as a whisper. He sauntered his way to the kitchen, then stopped at the door and turned to look at Alec, who stood at Magnus' door, completely still with clenched fists and shut eyes. “Whatever it is, I'm here for you.” 

Later that evening, while Alec had so mysteriously disappeared from the flat, Magnus decided to call Izzy. He was hesitant at first, thinking that if he were to ask her what was bothering her brother, she wouldn't know and she'd be on his case as well. Nonetheless, he eventually realised that if Alec _was_ facing some hardships, having as many people as possible there for him would do wonders. Whether he wanted it or not. 

Magnus had known Alec for a little over three years. Yes, they had only moved in together half a year ago but he still knew that Alec was never one to ask for support, to show his weaknesses. It was endearing but it always worried Magnus to no extent. 

“Hello.”

Magnus was drawn out of his thoughts by Izzy's quiet greeting. _Not her too_ he mentally muttered as he returned the greeting just as small. 

“How are you, darling? It's been some time since we last meandered the malls of New York City” he smiled to himself as he played with a stray thread leaving the cushion placed on his lap. 

Izzy laughed lowly, “I've been well,” she began, then sighed, “and it has, we should hang out sometime soon” despite the joyous tone in her voice, Magnus could sense that something was off. 

“As much as I missed your voice, sweetheart, I was wondering if Alec was with you?” Before she had the chance to answer, Magnus went on, “I'm sorry to bother you at this time, he was beside himself earlier and left without notice.”

Izzy fell silent. It made Magnus pull his mobile away from his ear to make sure the signal hadn't disrupted and ended their call before bringing it back to his ear. He heard her exhale a breath. 

“He's..” Another breath, “he's probably at the cemetery.”

The words made Magnus' heart drop, suddenly heavy with concern and sadness alike as he repeated the last word Izzy had said in question.

“Yeah, uh, it's our baby brother, Max's death anniversary” Izzy clarified, clearing her throat in hopes of sounding less sad than she was. 

“I—” Max? Alec had spoken of him a few times but, always briefly, in a way that didn't show they were strongly connected. Brother? That was beyond Magnus' belief. How did he not know about this? “I'm sorry, Isabelle.”

The words were hoarse with remorse, Magnus' own sadness bleeding into them. “I'm so sorry. If I had known, I wouldn't have—”

“Hey, don't worry about it” Izzy interrupted, voice blithe all over again. It tugged at Magnus' heartstrings how strong she had to be during all this. “I'm sorry to cut this short but I really have to go. Please text me when Alec's home, yeah?”

“Of course” Magnus responded immediately. 

He spent the next hour puttering around in the living room, occupying himself by tidying whatever would've been the slightest bit messy if he was petty. His mind still occasionally drifted to Alec, though. He truly hoped he was okay.

As he rearranged the cushions on the sofas, he caught sight of one of Alec's novel, upended carelessly, cover dented from where one of them had probably sat on it and the corner of it folded unceremoniously. He lifted it, thumb bookmarking the page Alec had reached, and turned it over.

 _A Tale of Two Cities._

A smile split across his face as he turned it once again to read over the blurb. It was a romance novel that mostly hinged on historical fiction. It wasn't exactly Magnus' cup of tea but he was intrigued by how shabby it was. Alec usually took care of his books so seeing it in such a state gave Magnus the impression that Alec had read it more than once. 

His thoughts were cut off and forgotten when the click of the front door sounded. Magnus looked up as Alec stepped in through the open door, looking beyond tired. Yet the second his eyes, drooping with exhaustion, landed on Magnus, he gave a reluctant smile and stepped further into the room. “Listen, about today, I'm so—”

Magnus lifted a hand, bringing Alec to an abrupt silence. 

But Alec only took another step closer, holding a hand out imploringly. “I know I was out of bounds, but please just listen to me, I didn't mean to— I just, I—”

“No” Magnus cut in, stunning Alec into another moment of quietness. “No, I don't want to hear any apologies, Alexander.”

The muscle in Alec's jaw flickered under the warm light, a sequence of emotions washing over his features as he looked at Magnus, awaiting his next words. 

“I'm sorry about Max” Magnus said, rubbing his fingers together as he watched Alec shift from one leg to the other.

Alec blinked, lifting his head to look at Magnus. Neither of them said a word though, not until Magnus stepped closer and sighed out a “come here”, pulling his friend into a hug. 

Alec's reaction was instantaneous, strong arms wrapping tightly around Magnus as he buried his face into the crook of his neck with eyes clenched shut. “I'm sorry” he whispered, “I didn't mean to take it out on you.”

Magnus smiled and adjusted his chin on Alec's shoulder, tilting his head slightly to the side. “You're forgiven” he said simply, and Alec tightened his grip.

❦❦❦

“Soo, how's dating life been?” 

Alec shrugged. “We still haven't gone on a second date so I wouldn't call it that just yet” he replied, biting at his knuckle with his eyes glued to his laptop screen. Izzy was glaring into his head by the time he finished the sentence so he went on. “I called him, he made an excuse, apparently I didn't stroke his ego enough.”

Jace opened his mouth to comment, only to have Alec lift his head and glare him into silence. “No salacious comments within this household” he said strictly. Jace scoffed.

“Prude.”

“I'm not a prude!” Alec hollered, “I just don't necessarily enjoy sex jokes.”

“You don't enjoy jokes, period” Jace countered, admiring his nails flippantly with a scowl that had Alec rolling his eyes back into his head. “Or sex.”

Alec slammed his laptop shut, glare unwavering. “I'm going to check on the food” he said placidly, standing from the table with his eyes still fixed on Jace. 

The moment he was out the room, Izzy turned to fix Jace with the same glare Alec was directing at him. “What the hell was that?” She yelled in a hush, “I told you to be subtle when asking, not— what _was_ that?”

Jace rolled his eyes. “That was a build up to the question. Just let me handle it, will you?”

“If you're planning on just asking him when the last time he got laid was during dinner, I'm killing you, Jace. I'm not even kidding. Have some respect” Izzy stood up and stormed after her older brother.

❦❦❦

“So, Alec” Jace fell back against the backrest of his chair, hand on his stuffed tummy, “how's the sex life?“

Alec sputtered and coughed up his food before ripping a few tissues out of the box and spitting his food into them. Maia grabbed the carton of juice and poured some into his glass as she glared at Jace. 

“When will you stop being such a dick?” She asked, reaching over to pat Alec's back. 

“He's a prude!” Jace cried out before the front of Izzy's heel slammed into his shin, eliciting a grunt from the blond.

“My sex life is none of your business” Alec managed to say after thanking Maia for her hospitality. 

“But have you even kissed anyone since senior year?” Jace probed, brushing off the statement. Alec fell silent, pinching the bridge of his nose tiredly. “Oh my god, you haven't. You probably don't even know how to— how do you have fun?”

“Jace, stop” Simon said quietly, an order meant only for Jace. 

That's just how Jace was, nosy and doesn't know when to stop. He didn't seem to notice Alec's discomfort or the fact the brunet was on the verge of snapping. Going on and on about Alec's lack of fun. 

“Stop, you're gonna regret it, buddy” Simon nudged his elbow against the blond. 

“—did dad ever give you the talk anyway or–”

“ _Enough!_ ” Alec suddenly clamoured, slamming his fist on the table. Jace came to an abrupt stop and everyone was looking at Alec. 

“Told you” Simon sung to Jace under his breath, only to rub it in that he was right.

“No, I haven't kissed anyone since senior year. No, I don't want to. I haven't partied in months, because _I don't want to._ I haven't had makeup sex, breakup sex, drunk sex, _hot desk sex_ or sucked anyone off in an empty car park, because _I don't want to._ ” his eyes darted to Jace, “scratch that, I haven't had sex. Ever. Alright? Happy?”

Jace sucked his teeth, staring at his empty plate with remorse in his mismatched eyes. 

“Your idea of fun is drinking and sex. Izzy's idea of fun is a new hairstyle and a sleepover. Simon's is a Star Wars marathon with Maia and Maia's is, I don't know, acting like she hates us when she doesn't. Why is it okay for you guys to enjoy what you want to enjoy but when I say I want to sit the fuck down at home and read a _fucking_ book, it's suddenly lame and pathetic? Why is it _only_ okay for me to have fun if it's _your_ idea of fun?” Alec's voice was calmer, and something in it made everyone around the table _want_ him to be angrier, louder, because the mild vulnerability just..wasn't something they ever want to hear ever again. 

Alec lifted a hand to run his fingers through his hair tiredly. “Stop shaming me into having sex or partying or doing things I don't want to do” he breathed out. “It's not fair. You don't see me complaining about the lack of books on your shelves or forcing novels into your hands. Don't be like that.” 

Jace's jaw clenched and he nodded once. “I'm sorry.”

“You didn't know” Alec said immediately. Because a sorry wasn't what he was aiming for. “It's fine. Just, be a little more receptive when it comes to the idea of fun. Not everyone enjoys what you enjoy.” 

No one said anything for a long time after that, eating in silence except for the clanking of tableware. 

“I'm home!”

Alec perked up at Magnus' voice, sitting upright as he called back an “in here.” And just like that, everything was okay again.

Magnus, unaware of Alec's previous outburst, spoke about his day, then asked everyone around the table about theirs. Gossiped with Izzy about several things. Simon and Maia were being not-very-subtle with their flirting. 

And when the night was over, Alec and Magnus stood at the door and bid their farewells to their friends. When Jace hugged Alec, he apologised again and pulled back hurriedly, already rushing out. Alec rolled his eyes and smiled, then shut the door. 

Magnus looked at Alec. “So.”

“So” Alec parroted. 

“Are you going to tell me what's been bothering you?” Magnus asked, lifting a finger before Alec could rebut, “I didn't want to ask you about it during dinner but you looked a little under the weather. Now, I'm not saying you have to tell me but I'm a great listener and an even greater adviser” he stepped closer, “and the greatest friend” he murmured, lifting his hands to straighten out Alec's jacket.

Alec laughed, lifting his hands to reply in kind and adjust Magnus' shirt before poking at his chest. “Has anyone told you how full of yourself you are?”

Magnus hummed, squinting an eye as if thinking about it. “No” he finally concluded, “but they have told me how full of me _they_ are.” 

Now usually a statement like that would make Alec mutter a ‘gross. didn't need to know that’ and storm off or roll his eyes and shake his head in sheer pique, but this time, Alec didn't know what it was that made him blush. Whether it was how close they stood or the suggestive tone Magnus used, or maybe it was the conversation he had with the clique earlier that night, but between one second and the next, he was looking away with a blush blossoming high on his cheeks, ducking his head shyly. 

And Magnus' heart skipped a beat at the sight, the sudden realisation that his guise had cracked and he was no longer looking at Alec the way a friend does making his fingers tremble against Alec's jacket, his ribs nearly shaking with the thudding of the muscle they're holding. 

_Fuck, he was beautiful._

Alec looked up at him through his eyelashes, a ghost of a smile still lingering on his lips. “You're shameless” he said. 

Magnus smiled. “So, do you want to tell me what's wrong?” He suggested. Alec's hands left Magnus' shirt, one of them curling around his hand instead. 

“Promise you won't laugh at me?”

“When have I _ever_?” Magnus theatrically cried, bringing his unoccupied hand to his chest.

Alec stopped to look at him. “Let's see, we have that time you told me to wave at a random goth guy because you knew him and he flipped me off because somehow, _he_ didn't know _you._ Or maybe that time you told me you were playing a game with a little girl and asked me to pull her hair and when I did her mom yelled at me and it turned out the little bitch was making fun of your clothes and you used me as a plot device to get back at her!”

Magnus gave a toothy smile. “You said she deserved to have her hair pulled” he answered. 

“She did” Alec sighed, “she really did, if I could do it again, I would.”

Magnus pulled Alec to the couch and sat down next to him. “I know you would” he said, “now tell me.”

Alec did tell him. He told him everything that happened before Magnus arrived, hesitating at some parts like his last kiss being in senior year and the fact he'd never had sex. He wasn't ashamed. It wasn't something shameful and it wasn't necessary either. But something about saying it to Magnus, a sybarite man who followed the primrose path and wasn't very shied away from every pleasure this life could offer, it made Alec feel like maybe Magnus would find him boring. 

By the time he was done talking, Magnus had changed his position, sitting up with his legs folded to the side as he faced Alec. 

“And yeah” Alec mumbled, “it was all awkward silence until you came.”

Magnus smiled. “Sex doesn't define you. You know that, right?” He asked gently. Alec looked up at him, his heart starting to beat faster at the kindness in Magnus' voice. “And no one should think lesser of you or your company just because you haven't had it.”

Alec was silently fiddling with the corner of a cushion. “I just feel out of place sometimes.”

“That's okay. But you should know that here, in this house, with me, I'd never judge you, not for something like that. In fact, I don't remember the last time I actually kissed someone because I wanted to. Maybe it was in my first year in fine art. Hm. Anyway, back to you. If you don't feel comfortable clubbing or sexing or kissing, don't do it. And if you don't want a relationship—”

Alec's lips muffled out whatever else Magnus had to say, slow and eager against Magnus' as he held his face with both hands.

And _fuck,_ what did he just do?

He pulled away seconds later, panic evident on his face. “I'm so sorry” he breathed out, “Magnus, I don't know what got into me. You were— you were talking about— and you were being so kind and your mouth— I— oh my god, I'm so sorry, I'm so—”

Magnus cupped Alec's face between his hands. “Calm down” he said, awfully composed for someone who just got kissed by his best friend. Alec's jaw flexed beneath Magnus' touch. “It's okay, Alexander. You got carried away.”

Alec looked at him, the goodness in his eyes and the delicacy of his smile. 

Pain flickered in Magnus' eyes as he let go of Alec's face. He stood to leave for his room but Alec reached for his hand, holding his fingers with his own. 

Then they were kissing, hard and feverish and _desperate_ , with Magnus' fingers in Alec's hair and Alec's bunched in Magnus' shirt, the shirt he was straightening not ten minutes ago. They pulled apart for a second, still breathing each other's air. “Senior year?”

Alec's breathless response was swallowed by Magnus' mouth, replaced by the slick sound of their tongues meeting. Alec was moaning softly against Magnus' lips, small sounds that made Magnus smile, resting a hand against Alec's neck as he ran a thumb across his cheek. 

It was perfect. All the built up emotions Magnus has spent years trying to keep behind closed doors, finally out. He poured his everything into the kiss, tears prickling behind his eyelids as he deepened it further, his fingers curling in the hair at the nape of Alec's neck.

 _I love you._

He just needed to pull away long enough to say it, to try, but then Alec beat him to it and pulled back, jumping off the couch with a horrified expression on his face. “Why— what—” he rubbed both his hands down his features and behind his neck. “I'm your friend” he breathed out, “I'm your friend, your friend of– of three years” he began pacing back and forth, rubbing at his skin incessantly.

“Three and a half if we're being exact—” Magnus gratuitously supplied only to be cut short by a loud “I'm not one of your one night stands!” that had Magnus staring at him in horror, only managing to let out half of his roommate's name before he was interrupted once again.

“No” Alec said, aghast, “this is my fault, I shouldn't have— I need to go.” 

He was already out the door.

❦❦❦

“You _kissed him?!_ ”

Alec stopped pacing to rub at his eyes. “I know I'm stupid, I fucked it up.”

“Wait, hold up” Maia leant forward, forearms flat on the wooden surface of the bar. “Let me rephrase Izzy’s question with the correct emphasis. _You_ kissed _him?_ ”

Alec lifted his head to give her a glacial glare, glimpsing the way she was smiling cheekily at his sister. His glare lasted a few moments before he dropped his head back into his hands. “Did you seriously bet on this? Bet on _me?_ ” He mumbled into his palms, embittered by their ruthless wagers. 

“Yes. Now tell us who kissed who” Izzy responded casually. 

“I did” Alec snapped, “twice” he added under his breath.

Maia held her hand out to Isabelle with a victorious smirk and Alec's eyes widened as his sister put the $100 in her palm. 

“One hundred, Iz? Really?!” He exclaimed, only to earn a shrug in return.

❦❦❦

“We kissed.”

“Hallelujah” Raphael said, not sounding very surprised by the statement that left his friend's lips. “Has the sun finally risen from the west?” 

“What caused you to lose all emotion?” Catarina asked Raphael, forged concern clear on her face. Raphael shut his book quietly and looked up at her. 

“In all honesty, the mutual pining I see on a daily basis” he responded, trying to look remorseful before giving up and opening his book again. A few moments passed, then, “how did it go?”

Magnus stopped scrambling around the living room to sit down on the coffee table with a tired sigh. “It was quite tragic” he averred, smiling in hopes that it would alleviate the sadness gnawing at him from the inside. “I want to down the bottle of wine Ragnor bought me on my twentieth birthday.”

“I heard my name!” Ragnor called out from the kitchen, where he was fixing himself and his friends a quick snack to cheer Magnus up, “what were you saying?”

“He said he wants to down the drink you bought him!” Catarina called back, lifting her hands in surrender when Magnus glared at her. 

The sound of a spoon clanking on the floor resonated before Ragnor was at the kitchen door. “That Château Lafite is one of the best and most expensive bottles in the world. When you drink it, I want you to drink it on a special occasion.”

“This _is_ a special occasion” Magnus waved a flippant hand, earning a bland look from all three of his companions. 

“Your heart getting broken isn't a special occasion, Magnus” Raphael commented, earning an eye roll from Magnus. 

“You didn't specify whether it should be a good special event or a bad one” he justified lamely, then slumped in defeat. “I'll just be a normal person and have Ben and Jerry's” he mumbled. 

“Don't be pathetic, you're not some moping teenager” Catarina smacked his arm, “you're Magnus Bane!”

“Thanks, I didn't know that” Magnus grinned, eliciting a snort from Raphael, who threw the book he was reading to the side in favour of leaning forward and resting a hand on Magnus' knee. 

“He likes you” he said, “I don't usually interfere in romantic matters but I've seen the way he looks at you and it sometimes makes me question my atheism and wonder if God happens to be my childhood best friend.”

Magnus bowed his head, smiling to himself at his friend's flair for the dramatic. 

“He's confused” Raphael said. “And unversed, and a sucker for romance. That's everything you're not.”

“Give him time” Catarina put in, pressing a brief kiss to Magnus' temple just as Ragnor left the kitchen with half burnt popcorn and readymade tortillas. “Let's watch Titanic.”

Raphael faked a gagging sound. 

“Can't believe Rose let Jack die for the sake of her bitchy ass” Catarina sighed, flopping down on the sofa and grabbing a blanket, “come on, it's been a long time since I last witnessed you having a bisexual breakdown over the redhead and Leonardo Dicaprio” she patted the spot next to her and Magnus threw his head back with a laugh, but joined her on the couch nonetheless.

❦❦❦

“Hey, I'm home” Alec said lowly as he stepped into the living room, which was a _mess_ if he may say so himself. 

Magnus was sprawled on the couch in his pyjamas and...was that a _cat_ on his lap?

“Colour me delighted” Magnus murmured absently, eyes not leaving the television screen as he flipped through the channels aimlessly, almost like he was only doing it to avoid looking at Alec. 

“I've been gone for three days and you got a cat?” Alec tried to say it playfully, he even added a small chuckle to the end that was every bit as awkward as it was nervous. Magnus didn't bat an eyelash, but his hand reached for the kitten's head, fingers rubbing between its ears. 

Alec cleared his throat. “You didn't think I was coming back, did you?”

“I've known you for three and a half years, Alexander” Magnus answered in a monotone, “I would've bought a Persian chinchilla and named it Chairman Meow if I thought you wouldn't be back.”

Alec smiled slightly and ruffled the front of his hair shyly. “Yeah? So we're calling this one Oedipus?” He asked, unable to hold back the excitement from his tone. Magnus remained expressionless save for a small betraying smile. 

“Hm.”

“So..” Alec trailed off, hesitating to sit down for a second before settling down on the coffee table separating the couch and television. “Are we..” He waved a hand expressively when he saw the way Magnus was looking at him. Eyes devoid of the fondness and playfulness they usually held. “Are we still friends?” Alec blurted in a winded rush. 

Magnus' brows rose in confusion. 

“I mean, it's— you know, it's obvious that we got a bit carried away that night and it didn't mean anything. I'm sorry for..” He pinched the bridge of his nose, inhaling sharply, “I'm sorry I kissed you.”

Magnus sat up, leaning forward and lifting a hand to cup Alec's chin between his thumb and forefinger and tilt his head up. “It's okay” he said gently, “I'm not mad at you for that. I don't blame you for kissing me. I mean, haven't you seen the lip prints on my dressing table mirror?” 

Alec rolled his eyes and slapped Magnus' hand away with a laugh. 

“I'm mad because you worried me” Magnus then stated, “the least you could've done was text me.”

Alec bowed his head. “I know. I should've. I'm sorry.”

“Forgiven. Friends?” Magnus held his hand out and Alec took it without hesitation, repeating the word firmly.


	2. II

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> trigger warning for this chapter. Anaphylaxis.
> 
> **_____**

Despite the fact Alec's eyes were focussed on the book in hand, his line of peripheral vision still caught the askance look Raphael and Ragnor were fixing him with. He cleared his throat and adjusted his position on the couch, hoping that would convey how uncomfortable they're making him. 

He spared them the briefest of glances, barely perceptible. He saw the way they were sitting dead still, watching him like hawks in a way that made him want to sink into the ground. They didn't even bother to look away. 

“Okay I'm ready t—” Magnus stopped mid sentence as he strolled into the room, “where's Catarina and why are you two glaring poor Alexander into oblivion?” He started over, placing a hand on a cocked hip.

Alec smiled at his book, but didn't look up or say anything as Raphael and Ragnor sat upright, acting oblivious of Magnus' accusation. “Cat's on the phone outside” Raphael said, standing up and fixing his jacket dextrously. 

“Hm” Magnus hummed, reaching for his burgundy scarf and slinging it around his neck. “Are you sure you don't want to string along, Alec? It's an art gallery, there won't be drinking or too much skirmish.”

Alec looked up from his book and smiled. “I'm actually going out with Izzy and Jace tonight” he declined politely.

Magnus looked at him for a few moments, then furrowed his brows in confusion. “Tonight's clubbing night” he said after a few moments. 

Alec had to bite the inside of his cheeks to tamp down the surfacing grin at the idea of Magnus knowing his family days. “Yeah” he said.

Magnus nodded slowly, then looked at Ragnor and Raphael. “Who's gonna drive?” He asked, “rock, paper, scissors” he lost and stepped back. Raphael and Ragnor played a round and that was the first time Alec sees Raphael energetic enough to pump a triumphant fist. 

“Alright” Magnus threw his keys to Raphael. “Start the car” then he looked at Ragnor and Ragnor nodded understandingly, slinging his jacket over his arm. They both left the flat and Magnus looked after them before turning to Alec. 

Alec was smiling after Magnus' friends, up until Magnus approached him and knelt down. “If you want to go clubbing with Isabelle and the blond, just make sure you're doing it for you” he said, “and remember, drifting behind a group of people in the name of _everybody does it_ just– it robs you of your individuality, hm?”

Alec's eyes flittered between Magnus' eyes and lips, words caught in his throat. Magnus saw his jaw flex as he forced himself to look away, at their cat that was curled up beside him with his tail wrapped around himself. “Yeah” he eventually said, the word harsh with a sort of emotion that was lost on Magnus. 

Magnus stood up, content with the answer. “Okay, my darlings, enjoy my absence.”

“Don't be a drama queen” Alec chuckled, opening his book again to finish the page off.

** ❦❦❦ **

**Magnus: mama Lightwood called. Family dinner tonight at 7?**

Alec smiled down at his phone, thumbs hovering over his keyboard as he thought up a quick response. However, the three dots undulating on the screen, indicating that Magnus was typing out another message, stopped him in his tracks, then, **she also said that if you don't agree to taking turns cleaning Oedipus' litter box, she's grounding you.**

Alec felt a laugh bubble up in his throat and he shook in his seat, shaking his head fondly at the screen.

“Mr. Lightwood? Is there anything amusing you'd like to share with your classmates?” The professor asked, making Alec look up with wide eyes, cheeks starting to flush pink. 

He tucked his phone in his pocket. “Uh- no, nothing. I- uh, just..no” he mumbled the last word, lips puckering shyly. 

“So you wouldn't mind telling us to which era the works of Daniel Defoe belong?” The professor leant back against his desk and Alec glanced around him, then gave a nervous laugh.

“Shouldn't that be a multiple choice question?” He squinted an eye, smiling at his lecturer, who only rolled his eyes as a few chuckles resonated through the lecture hall.

** ❦❦❦ **

“We're gonna be late if you don't stop trying to match your eye makeup with your clothes” Alec murmured absently as he stood on his tippy toes behind Magnus, trying to get a clearer view of the mirror so he could properly tie the tie around his neck. 

“Don't play down the power of a good outfit on a dreadful day, Alexander” Magnus said in response, deftly running the eyeliner over his top lid. 

God, he truly was an artist. 

“Hey” Alec gave up trying to see the mirror properly and stood flat on the ground, letting his tie hang loosely around his neck. “You okay? Did something happen?” 

Magnus hummed. “Remember when we told Maryse about Annamarie Highsmith?” He said, capping his eyeliner and turning to look at Alec, holding the side of the sink. 

“You mean when—” Alec made indicating circles with his hand, “you walked in on them.” 

“Yeah” Magnus exhaled, “well, she knew that I was the one to tell your darling mother and took it upon herself to..” He shook his head lightly, brushing the subject off. He was about to turn around but Alec gripped his wrist before he could. 

“Hey, tell me” he whispered. “Is she- is she picking on you?”

“Not just that. She's been making comments lately, during lectures” Magnus interrupted, “crude comments, aimed at me. She's disregarding anything I say. Ignoring my correct answers, speaking over me. I—” he sighed, “don't want to make a big deal out of it, as you know, I'm quite the forgiving man” shrugging, Magnus looked at Alec, who was smiling slightly at Magnus' attempt to hide his sadness by gloating. “But today I found out I failed her subject and I could swear I did so well on the exam.”

“We can go to the dean, you know” Alec said, “not to sound like a spoilt sycophant, but Imogen Herondale is Jace's grandma and I can easily get him to tag along, especially since he's so infatuated with that redhead who's attending your university.”

Magnus grinned. “Yeah?”

“Yep” Alec nodded, “you know how grateful I am that you told me about what happened that day. Without you, mom would still be miserable. Look at her now, she has her own house, she's working and I'm pretty sure I caught her playing with her necklace while talking to Luke—”

“No!” Magnus exclaimed in disbelief, “oh, dear gods above, I _knew_ there was a reason Luke shaved!”

They both broke into fits of laughter, Magnus turning to look back in the mirror while Alec stood beside him to fix his tie. “By the way” he said casually, “you look wonderful.” 

The tip of Magnus' eyeliner froze against his right eyelid before he composed himself and continued to draw a swift line. “Thank you, Alexander” he said, applauding himself for curbing the tone of his voice. “You don't look so bad yourself.”

“Please” Alec scoffed.

** ❦❦❦ **

“So, kids, tell me” Maryse started, leaning over to put food in her plate, “what's kicking? How is everyone?”

“Slang really isn't your forte, mom” Izzy laughed softly, “nothing new here. I aced my immunology and toxicology test” she grinned, abandoning her spoon to cup her own face and bat her eyelashes. 

Jace let out a “woo!” and Magnus clapped. “That's wonderful, dear” he cooed.

Alec grinned and reached his arm across the table to ruffle her hair. “Great job, Izzy” he winked, even when she smacked his hand away from her perfectly styled hair. 

“I don't know about my subjects but I have _finally_ got Clary's number” Jace let out a dreamy sigh and Maryse tilted a brow. 

“Studies before anything. If you fail _one_ subject, Jace— ” she began, lifting a finger to shut him up when he tried to protest, “I _will_ contact this _Clary_ of yours and tell her all about your past _you're my forevers_ ” she said strictly, which made Magnus chuckle and take a spoonful of the curry she had so deliciously crafted. 

“Alec? Magnus?” Maryse turned to the two, taking a sip of her wine. 

“We bought a cat!” Alec suddenly exclaimed, making Magnus jump and elbow his friend's side. “A cute little black sphynx. Called him Oedipus” he went on, chewing on his mouthful of food. 

“You finally adopted!” Izzy pressed her hands together, the tips of her middle fingers touching her septum. “It's about time!”

Magnus looked at her in shock. “What?” He and Alec said synchronously.

“What?” Maryse and Jace said at the same time.

“Oh” Izzy collected herself, realising that adopting Oedipus wasn't as intimate as she thought. “Oh, sorry” she sent Magnus a pleading look, to which he shook his head fondly, and when she looked at Alec, she found that his fists were clenched on both sides of his plate, eyes squeezed shut. 

“I'm really sorry” Izzy suddenly said, “I didn't—” Alec lifted one of his hands and spread it over his chest, rubbing lightly there as he began to cough. “Alec?”

Maryse grabbed a glass of water and brought it to his lips but he pushed it away, his breathing getting heavier as he pushed his chair back.

Magnus stared for a few moments, bewildered. “Maryse, does this have any almond?” He suddenly asked. 

“It's Badami Chicken Curry, almond is its m—”

Magnus abruptly stood up, legs of his chair scraping across the floorboards before he was rushing over to his bag, rummaging through it until he found what he was looking for. Then he was at Alec's side, cupping his chin between his fingers. “Hey, hey, breathe” he whispered, adjusting Alec's leg as he gauchely ripped the box open with his teeth and pulled out an auto injector. Maryse was panicking, scolding herself in mutters for letting Alec's almond allergies slip her mind. Magnus tried distracting Alec by squeezing his hand, and with his other, he measured the spot halfway between Alec's hip and knee and inserted the needle through the material of his trousers and into his skin. 

“You're okay” he said once Alec's breathing began slowing down, “you're okay,” he ran his fingers through Alec's hair quietly. “Shall we go to the clinic?” He asked, but Alec shook his head with a feeble wave of his hand.

** ❦❦❦ **

“You're way too calm for my liking” Alec commented, “is it because you're driving? You were the one who suggested rock, paper, scissors, you know.” 

Magnus didn't answer. 

“And you're not playing with the radio. We both hate Backstreet Boys” Alec chuckled. “Is it something I said? Or did?”

“Why didn't you have your medication with you?” Magnus asked, not even trying to hold back his embittered tone as he stared straight ahead, unwilling to glance in Alec's direction.

Alec adjusted his position in his seat, clearly uncomfortable with the sudden mention of his anaphylaxis. “I forgot it” He replied, voice strained. “I didn't think mom would make that mistake. I mean- I'm not blaming her, we weren't on very good terms until last year. But–”

“What if I hadn't brought mine with me, Alexander?” Magnus was honestly trying to keep calm, but the thought of Alec not caring enough to take precautions made his insides burn with anger and so much fear.

Alec tutted his tongue, reclining in his seat heavily. “But you _did._ Thank you—”

“I don't want to be thanked, Alec!” Magnus bellowed, stunning Alec into silence. “I just want you to look after yourself. This isn't something to be taken so flippantly. You're a grown man, you should—”

“What's wrong with you?” Alec interrupted sharply, “why are you venting your spleen on me? It's not a big deal! You had the injection with you, it's fine!”

“No it's not!” Magnus yelled, slamming on the breaks to stop at the red light, “it _is_ a big deal. In case it passed your attention, that was your life on the line. Stop being so—” he cut himself off once he realised how ridiculous it was that they were even arguing over this. “Have a little responsibility maybe?” 

Alec folded his arms over his chest and stared ahead. “Whatever.”

 

That was the last conversation Magnus remembered before things became strained. Both of them stopped calling out an “I'm home!” the moment they stepped through the front door. Magnus stopped stealing Alec's food and Alec stopped pinching Magnus' pencils and returning them in a disastrous state, with a missing rubber or the end chewed to pulp. Alec began spending more time outside than in, returning in the evening only to go to his room and stay there until the next morning, unless he needed the bathroom, that is. Oedipus spent his time mostly with Magnus, curled up at the foot of his bed or pawing at his clothes.

** ❦❦❦ **

“So let me get this straight” Ragnor lifted a finger drily, “you want to be friends, between two brackets; or more, again, but you're also content with this.. _dispute_ that happened between the two of you?” 

Magnus took a sip of his coffee, humming in agreement and at the rich flavour on his tongue. “Yes” he replied, “this _dispute_ distanced us a little bit—”

“A lot, but go on” Ragnor leant forward in interest. 

“—a bit” Magnus glared, “but that simply means my feelings for him will be gone by the time we're friends again” he held his hands out, as if his theory wasn't the most pitiful thing Ragnor's ever heard. 

“Dear lord” Ragnor muttered, taking a small mouthful of his tea. “Why don't you just tell the boy about your feelings? It's not rocket science.”

Magnus rolled his eyes, but refused to dignify the question with an answer. Instead, he drummed his adorned fingers against the table and smirked. “Now, tell me about you” he finally said. “And I don't mean all that..” He trailed off, flourishing a hand carelessly, “law stuff. Give me the juicy details. After all, I distinctly remember seeing you leave the movies with someone under your arm.”

Ragnor scoffed. “That was no one” he said, but after a prolonged blank look from his friend, Ragnor caved and gave him the _juicy details_ while Magnus watched him with a smile and his chin resting on his palm.

** ❦❦❦ **

Whether it was Magnus' overindulgence in one night stands or the fact they weren't on very good terms that enkindled the sullen spark in Alec, he didn't know, but all he knew was that he couldn't handle more in his life.

It was a little after midnight when Magnus arrived home, heaving a sigh as he slid his jacket off and hung it on a hook beside the door. Alec watched him as he rolled his head back in exhaustion, and he waited for him to heed his presence.

When Magnus did however, he stilled, completely caught off-guard. “I thought you'd be sleeping by now” his voice was hoarse with disuse, eyes drooping as he watched Alec sit up and clear his throat.

“Can we talk?” He asked, giving a small smile before lifting his hand to rub at his stubble. 

Magnus slid his maroon scarf off — _the one I got him_ Alec noted avoidably — then sat down on the coffee table in front of Alec. “Of course.”

“Listen, Magnus, I don't— I don't know how to— is that my book?” Alec arched a brow, tilting his head to look at the book tucked under Magnus' arm. 

Magnus looked down, as if just now realising it was there, then looked back up. “Yes” he answered, “I realised you've read it quite a few times so I— wanted to know what's so captivating about it” he handed _A Tale of Two Cities_ back to Alec, a little timidly for the great Magnus Bane. 

Alec just pushed it back into his hands lightly. “It's okay, keep it” his hand brushed Magnus' and he bit his lip as Magnus took it back, placing it on his lap. 

“So. What do you want to talk about?”

Alec licked his lips then pressed them together and looked at his bare feet for several moments. When he looked back up, Magnus was regarding him with a look of concern, brows drawn together and smile kind. 

Taking a deep breath, Alec straightened his back and jutted his chin out, as if that would make the whole thing easier. “I'm moving out.”

The silence tailing the statement was deafening. Alec saw a muscle in Magnus' jaw feather as he opened and closed his mouth in an attempt to find the right words. 

Alec took it upon himself to break the silence. “Ever since our— fight, I feel like, I don't know, we've distanced” he said, and before Magnus could begin to justify himself — the way he did every time they got into small conflicts, thinking that he's the only one to blame — Alec shook his head and hurried to amend what Magnus had definitely misconstrued. “It's not you” he said, “I promise. It's not your dalliances either. I just— you're my friend and things have been getting too awkward between the two of us. I've barely seen you since last month and I don't want that kind of relationship with you. I can't lose you.” He paused, gaping around his following words. “Not you.”

Magnus smiled, bowing his head to hide it. Alec smiled too, dipping his head to catch a glimpse of Magnus' smile. “No hard feelings?”

Magnus laughed, lifting his head. “No hard feelings” he answered, “where will you go?”

“I spoke to Izzy. She said she'll let me room with her and Maia until I can afford rent” Alec shrugged, “it was either that, or mom's” he faked a flinch, eliciting another laugh from Magnus.

“I'm okay with it. As long as they remember your allergies” Magnus joshed, giving Alec a fleeting wink, “and as long as you're happy.”

Alec nodded.

“And as long as they keep the hall lights on and your door open. Maybe I'll write a list of things they should remember” Magnus joked, standing and straightening out his shirt. _For distraction,_ Alec's mind unnecessarily provided. 

He looked up at him. “Good night, Magnus.” 

Magnus hesitated, fingers twitching before he brought his hand to Alec's chin and chucked him there playfully. “Night, Alexander.”

** ❦❦❦ **

“You're in quite the fit of the sulks.”

Alec regarded the pile of scrunched up papers laying on the floor beside the makeshift bed he owned in his roomies' home, and if they weren't already crumpled, Alec was sure they would've shrivelled at the glare he was aiming at them. Then he looked up at Jace, all too cheerful in the gloomy atmosphere Alec had created for himself. “I'm not sulking” he all but spat. 

Jace chuckled, shaking his head. “Obviously” he muttered, barely in Alec's hearing range, then threw a can of beer he'd gotten from the fridge at him. Alec didn't catch it, letting it fall in the gap his square-legged position formed. “Listen, just talk to him.”

Alec didn't feel like talking, didn't want to be in the company of anyone, but despite all that, he was glad Jace hadn't said his name and stuck to the pronoun. “My finals are coming up” he mumbled. “I need to concentrate.”

Jace swaggered over with his characteristic nonchalance and sat down at the far end of his sulking brother's sofa. “And you think that sulking—”

“I'm. Not. Sulking” Alec gritted out between clenched teeth. 

“ _Sulking_ and taking it out on those poor, poor paper sheets will help you concentrate?” Jace went on, opening his can of beer and swigging from it. “Your coping mechanisms are spectacular, Alec. Really.”

A scrunched up paper landed on Jace's temple a second later.

** ❦❦❦ **

No matter how many times Alec told Jace to leave, the blond was glued to the sofa, prattling on about anything to try to draw a smile from him. 

It was later into the evening, a little past Maia's shift, that Alec told Jace he should leave. That Maia will be here soon and she wouldn't appreciate him in her house. It was obviously a halfhearted attempt at making him go. 

But Jace relented. He stood up, stretching his muscles with a groaned “my ass hurts.” 

Alec didn't say anything, hand systemically running over Oedipus' wrinkled back. 

“He misses you” Jace blurted, a final endeavour to entice any emotion on Alec's solemn face, and when he got just that, wide eyes and parted lips, he went on, taking it as a sort of incentive. “And he misses the cat. He said it himself when I picked Clary up from uni. He's been trying to find a roommate but said—”

“Stop” Alec croaked. Jace shut up straight away. Alec sat up, elbows coming to rest on his parted thighs as he pressed his face against his palms. Deeming that to be the only farewell he'll be getting from Alec, Jace began to bid his own. His goodbye lingered at his tongue, swallowed a second after Alec husked out a broken “I miss him so much, Jace.”

So Jace sat back down, close enough for Alec to feel his warmth, the only form of comfort Alec liked from his siblings, and placed an awkward hand on his back. “Talk to him” he repeated the words from earlier that day. 

Instead of brushing the request away, Alec nodded. A nod Jace knew meant he was just humouring him. “Good night, Jace.”

Interpreting that as a polite _piss off now, Jace_ , and taking no offence in it, Jace stood up to leave. He stopped at the door and turned. “While you're sulking..” Alec lifted his head to drive his brother out the house with an ambush of glares, but Jace only smirked, cocking his hip, “think about whatever it is you're feeling. Friends don't ditch games for their friends.”

The hostility on Alec's face dropped in a heartbeat, utter exhaustion taking over as he stared at the open door Jace had just disappeared through.

** ❦❦❦ **

“Don't you think shared custody of Oedipus is more suitable?” Magnus called out, head thumping back against the headrest of the sofa. “Perhaps that little shit of a feline shred my assignment to pieces that one time but even I like some mischief in my life every now and again.”

Raphael slammed his book shut, sigh charged with exasperation. “Just talk to the man!” 

Magnus startled at hearing a voice other than his own in the past half an hour. His eyes drifted from Raphael to his nails with a moue. “I'm busy” he muttered.

“You're not busy enough to shut your mouth about him” Raphael bit back. Magnus knew that beneath the cruelty of his tone, Raphael genuinely cared but was too cautious and prestigious to admit it to even to himself. 

Magnus fell silent, picking at his freshly-painted nail varnish with hardly an ounce of care that he was ruining it. Raphael noted it, lips pursing as he inhaled deeply. “You tried calling him, didn't you?” He questioned coolly, but the baleful anger that wove his tone didn't go unheard by Magnus, who shrugged irreverently. “My hide's thick, Rapha” he said, eyes not leaving the scraped burgundy of his nails. “A little cold-shouldering every now and then never hurt anybody.”

Raphael rubbed at his eyes with his thumb and forefinger before bringing them together over the bridge of his nose. “I'm calling Catarina and Ragnor” he eventually mumbled. “They're adept at comforting you, I'm just making things worse.”

Magnus rolled his eyes. “You're not” he rebutted, “in case it didn't occur to you, there's a reason I called _you_ over,” he paused, taking in the slight confusion in Raphael's brown eyes, “don't get me wrong, I love you all equally but when I want to drone on uninterrupted, you're the better choice.” 

Raphael smiled, small and somewhat relieved. 

“So no, dearie, you're not making things worse. You're just what I need right now.”

Raphael's smile began to widen but dropped when Magnus said, “Now, where was I?”

** ❦❦❦ **

“We need fresh bread,” Maia stated, stealing a glance at Alec, “head down and buy some, will you?” 

Alec looked up from his mug to glare at the bartender. “No, I will not.”

Maia cocked a brow and a hip, crossing her arms over her chest. “Yes, you will,” she answered, “or you're not having breakfast.”

“Joke's on you, I'm not hungry” Alec quipped, bringing the lip of his mug to his mouth and sipping at it like some sassy meme. Maia had to bite the insides of her cheeks to tamp down her smile. 

“And no TV” she added. Alec remained unfazed. “And no–”

“I'll go” Izzy called out from the kitchen, already slipping her jacket on. She pulled her hair out from under the collar to let it fall down her shoulders in luscious curls only to falter at the stare she got from Maia. “What? I need to get agar and a petri dish for my bacteriology project anyway.” 

Maia sighed. “And Alec needs to get some air” she exhaled, “he hasn't left the house in three weeks, Izzy!”

Izzy scowled guiltily, just now realising that it was all just an attempt to get Alec off his butt. Maia looked back at the man sitting at the table, savouring the flavour of his drink. “You either continue with your sedentary lifestyle and lose all your privileges, mister,” she lifted a threatening finger, “or you get up, wear that leather jacket I've had my eye on since forever and get your sulking ass—”

“I'm not su—” Alec cut himself off, for once looked genuinely scared of what Maia might do, and licked his lips silently.

“—to the damn bakery. Your call.”

Alec knew trying to glare-fight her won't work. It was worth the try anyway. Even if he lost and ended up ambling his way down the street to the bakery nearby. 

And even if he bumped into Magnus on his way inside. 

Magnus looked just as conflicted as Alec felt, the latter trying to distract himself by brushing off invisible flecks from his leather jacket. 

Magnus managed to amass his poise, smiling slightly. “Long time no see” he let out, words lacking the usual cheerfulness. 

Alec stumbled over his words before replying with a small, “Yeah” then looked at his watch, “I'm running late, so I'll uh, see you around?”

Magnus didn't say anything, opting with a smile as he sidestepped to let Alec through. Alec lingered for a moment, then finally brushed past Magnus and allowed him to let out the air burning in his lungs.

** ❦❦❦ **

“It wasn't nothing.”

It was, frankly, the first sentence Alec had uttered since he came back from the bakery. He now sat square-legged on the one-person sofa, books sprawled on his lap and armrests. His eyes were skimming over the words without actually processing them. And although he didn't look up from the books, he could feel Maia and Izzy's questioning looks from across the room. 

He distracted himself by swinging his pencil between his fingers. His tongue swiped over his lips before he went on, “The kiss” he clarified.

 _Now he had their full attention._

“I thought it was nothing. I tried to.. I don't know, convince myself it was nothing” he slowly looked up, not knowing what he's going to find in their eyes. Judgement? Maybe. “But what made us fall out, an argument as petty as me not having my medication, that was just something to pin everything on. A small quarrel to take blame for what was inevitably going to happen if we don't talk about that stupid kiss and whatever was going on between us.

“I'm sulking, aren't I?” It wasn't aimed at the girls as much as it was aimed at himself. “I'm just trying to figure things out. I love Magnus, he's my best friend but...”

“Not the way you love us?” Maia proposed.

Alec fell silent.

“Talk to him” Izzy urged, “maybe talking to him will help you figure it out. He never pushes.” 

“I've been declining his calls” Alec admitted timidly, “I didn't even let him go to voicemail. And I saw him today, at the bakery, and I lied to him about being late so I wouldn't have to– I don't– I..” he trailed off, face twisting sadly. But he didn't finish that sentence off, eyes drifting back to his book like he never opened his mouth in the first place.

** ❦❦❦ **

“Just until I find a place to stay” Alec said as he placed Oedipus on the carpeted ground. “He broke one of Maia's vases and used the ashes of her late puppy as cat litter.”

Maryse laughed, shaking her head fondly as Oedipus stretched, claws digging into the carpet. “I'll make sure to discipline him” she smiled, looking back up at her eldest son. “You know my doors are open for you, Alec.”

Alec shook his head lightly and opened his mouth to decline the offer sowed in her words, but stopped dead in his tracks when a man strolled out of the kitchen. Not just any man. 

“Luke?”

Maryse looked mortified as she gaped around nothing. Luke stopped as well, fingers tightening around the handles of the two mugs of coffee meant for himself and Maryse. “Alec!” he settled on a gleeful tone to hide his own mortification at being caught. “Your mother and I were just discussing business.”

Alec smirked, lifting a brow as he surveyed Luke's outfit. “In pyjamas?”

Maryse tucked her hair behind her ear, lips pressed together tightly. 

“It.. Well, it was very urgent business” Luke lied through his teeth, “and here are your drinks” he walked over to the twain of them and handed each their drinks. 

Alec chuckled, pressing the offered mug into Luke's hand. “I'm actually just about to leave so you two can..” he cleared his throat with a laugh, “attend to your _business._ ” 

Maryse and Luke knew they were found out, but made no show of verifying Alec's claims.

Alec stood up, smiling between the two before he leant down and kissed his mother's forehead. He patted Luke on the shoulder with a smile and approached the door with a suspicion of a smile grazing his lips. 

“Tell Magnus I said hi!” Luke called out, words followed by a whispered _Luke!_ from Maryse.

“I will!” Alec called back without turning.

 

The house was unusually quiet when Alec made it inside, Isabelle's low humming being the only indication that someone was home. “I'm back!” He called out. 

“In here!” Izzy called back. “I need your opinion on which dress I should wear.”

Alec rolled his eyes, walking into her room nonetheless, “don't associate the _gay men are fashionistas_ stigma with me, Miss Lightwood.”

Isabelle chuckled, shaking her head as she put her earring in. “I just trust your taste, big brother” she said, earning herself a skeptical squint from Alec. “Just go into the walk in and find me something you think is suitable for a formal kinda thing.”

Alec followed her order, “ _formal kinda thing?_ Seriously, Iz?” he opened the walk in wardrobe and stepped inside, “work on your formal vocab before your outf— why is there a tied up Magnus—” before he could finish off his panicked question, the door slammed shut behind him and he instantly turned around and slammed a clenched fist against the door. “Izzy! Open up!”

The voice that answered him from the other side of the door was Jace's, low and teasing. “We're going to be in the living room” he said. 

“Get your shit sorted out, you two” Catarina said solemnly.

“Call us when you're done” Simon went on, sounding all too happy with their evil scheme and snare.

“Seriously, Si?” Alec gritted out, “I'd expect this from everyone but you” he slammed his fist against the door for good measure, “Let me _out!_ I've spent the entirety of my teenage years in a closet, _JACE!_ ” 

The mounting laughter was an ample sign that they won't be letting him or Magnus out anytime soon. He listened as their footfalls faded with each step they took away, then rested his forehead on the door with his lips pressed together.

Then he turned around and walked over to where Magnus stood, handcuffed to a closet rod with his mouth taped shut. It took all Alec had not to laugh at the pitiful sight. “I don't know where the key is” he said softly. Magnus nodded his chin at the floor a few metres away. 

Alec frowned at the cuffs after undoing them before throwing them to the floor, hoping they were solely bought to restrict Magnus and not for other things. 

Magnus ripped the tape off his mouth, hissing at the burn, then he grabbed the book he had apparently brought with him. He sat down on the floor, opening the novel, and made a pretty good job of ignoring Alec for the next hour.

“Can we act like we're okay so we can get out of here?”

Magnus didn't say anything, the only indicator that he heard being his habit of poking the inside of his cheek with his tongue when he's trying to make a point.

“So, what? You're just going to ignore me?” 

“Trust me, darling,” Magnus murmured, licking his thumb to turn the page, “if there was a decline button on every word that leaves that mouth of yours, I'd press it.”

Alec knew Magnus was referring to the..several times he had declined his calls and found himself bowing his head guiltily at being called out so blatantly.

“Listen—”

“Nope” Magnus popped the P, “now that I have so much time on my hands, I'm going to finish reading this book, then and only then, if I feel like talking to you, I'll make sure you know.” 

Alec rolled his eyes but didn't say anything, tapping his fingers against his lap rhythmically. 

Every time Magnus turned the page, Alec would sneak a glimpse of the page number, nervous and eager for the book to just finish.

 

“I see now why you love this book so much.”

Alec kept his eyes shut, Isabelle's fur coat serving as a cushion for his head. “Yeah.”

Magnus placed the closed book on Alec's lap, fingers brushing the material of his jeans and making Alec's jaw clench. “Speak.”

Alec, for a long while, didn't say anything, then he tilted his head, eyes slitting open to rest on Magnus' profile. “I'm sorry” he said quietly, like he was confiding a secret. “I was scared.”

“Of what? Me?” Magnus' voice was drenched in rhetorical satire. “You told me you wanted to move out so things wouldn't be awkward and we haven't spoken since. You declined my calls. You brushed me off at the bakery, you're the one who distanced.” The calmness he sported as he spoke made Alec's throat bob. He wanted Magnus to be angry, to maybe shout and snark so Alec didn't feel like he was suffocating in his guilt. To get as close to even as possible. 

“I'm sorry.”

“I don't want an apology, Alexander!” The sharp yell allayed a small bit of the remorse weighing on Alec's conscience. “I want a reason! A justification! Because God knows that something like _medication_ wasn't the reason we fell out so easily.”

Magnus' words rang in in the utter silence around them, in Alec's ears, in Magnus' own ears. 

“I wanted a reason to keep you at arm's length” Alec whispered. “I didn't know why back then. I thought- I don't know what I thought, but I just needed to detach myself. Not entirely, just enough for us to stay friends. I didn't want things to be awkward—”

Magnus scoffed. “How did that go?” 

“Let me talk” Alec snapped. “I'm not done. Let me talk.”

Magnus sucked his teeth, but otherwise said nothing. 

“Jace decided to be his usual pain-in-the-ass self and came over. He told me I should think about..us. You and me. Said friends don't ditch games for their friends.” From his peripheral vision, Magnus smiled. “And I did. I thought about how I don't pay attention when I cross roads but I study every word that leaves your mouth when you speak, how I never laugh at jokes unless they're coming from you. I thought about how easily you can make me smile, even in my worst states. I thought about the amount of times you've set me up with people you thought would make me happy, how much my happiness seems to matter to you.”

Magnus released a breath.

“And I thought about how you abandon your one night stands to tend to me.”

Magnus lowered his eyes to his lap, sucking his lower lip into his mouth like that would clear his blurry eyesight. “I—”

“Not done” Alec exhaled. “Then I thought about the kiss. The way you looked when I told you we got carried away and I couldn't believe how blind I've been.” A heartbeat. “To your feelings and mine.”

Magnus took another breath, deep and shaky. 

“Maybe I've misread everything,” Alec's voice considerably lowered, gaining a reluctant lilt to it, “but these past few weeks have been..hard. Without you, I mean. Really hard. Izzy's dreadful meals or starvation hard.”

Magnus gave a watery laugh, instinctively bumping his shoulder into Alec's. 

“Your turn.”

Magnus cleared his throat. His heart galloping wildly in his chest as he stared straight ahead. “If I kiss you right now, would you run away?”

Alec swallowed, closing his eyes. “We're locked in” he said, a pitiful attempt to hinder having to answer. Magnus shuffled until he was kneeling in front of his friend. “Already proposing, Magnus? Really?” Alec arched a brow.

“Are you going to keep talking?” Magnus flung with no actual heat, a playful fondness shimmering in his eyes. Alec smiled, so wide the crinkles at the corners of his eyes showed. 

“Not if you find an efficient way to shut me up” he answered, getting a hearty chuckle in return. Magnus leant closer, lips dangerously close to Alec's parted ones. Alec's eyes wandered to Magnus' mouth before falling shut. 

Magnus smirked, tilting his head to press a kiss against Alec's cheek. “How about we leave this snake pit, no offence to your friends and full offence to mine, pick up Oedipus and go home?”

“Home” Alec echoed, watching Magnus' smirk melt into a soft smile at the sound of it. “Please.”


End file.
